YVONNE BEARDON 4th February 1953 - 12th April 2024

Tuesday 30th April 2024

at 1:20pm

OPENING MUSIC

Dire Straits - Why Worry

Baby, I see this world has made you sad
Some people can be bad
The things they do, the things they say
But baby, I'll wipe away those bitter tears
I'll chase away those restless fears
That turn your blue skies into gray
Why worry
There should be laughter after pain
There should be sunshine after rain
These things have always been the same
So why worry now
Why worry now
Baby, when I get down I turn to you
And you make sense of what I do
And though it isn't hard to say
But baby, just when this world seems mean and cold
Our love comes shining red and gold
And all the rest is by the way
Why worry
There should be laughter after pain
There should be sunshine after rain
These things have always been the same
So why worry now
Why worry now

WELCOME AND INTRODUCTION

I'm not much of a public speaker but we're not paying 200 pounds for a celebrant so you will have to take this service as it comes, warts and all, a little unorthodox.

Hello, this is a celebration of my Mums life Yvonne Beardon also known as Yvonne Hewitt Born 4th February 1953 Died 12th of April 2024, Aged 71.

I had a dream recently that was very vivid and felt very real where I was briefly transported back in time to possibly the year 1990 or thereabouts, probably because this was a happy time for me and my Mum was the most important person in my life and meant everything to me. My Mum was very happy in this dream and was organising all of her favourite things.

The beginning of this dream was quite surreal as my mum was in the hospital back in present day and when the doctors decided there was nothing more they could do for her they then let her live the last 2 weeks of her life fit and healthy and in an era of her choosing or maybe my choosing. Dreams are funny like that.

My Mum was smiling whilst pottering around the house and lining up her favourite items. I was trying my best to act normal because in this dream we were all aware of the 2 week time frame of life she had left and even though I was 10 or 11 due to the era she or I chose for her to live the last few days of her life I was still 44 inside my mind.

When I woke up for a brief period I was happy until the dawning realisation of reality hit me. My name is Stephen and I am son 3 of 3 and my birthday is the 12th of April. I point this out not to make this in anyway about me but to point out that my birthday will no longer be a celebration of birth but rather my mum's life. It's kinda fitting anyway I never did like birthdays.

Although It was hard work visiting her everyday in hospital for 2 weeks she was still defiant and spirited to the end and asking us to take her home and when we would point out that this would probably not be in her best interest right now she would say WHY!!??

Anyway that's enough about her death. Let's talk about her life.

For those of you who knew my Mum well you will know she was spirited, defiant opinionated and could not be told what to do and should you attempt to tell her what to do then she we would do the opposite. My Mum wanted a no fuss, quiet, no religious mumbo jumbo (her words) cremation with nobody present but we must be our mum's sons because here we all are.

My Mum loved literature and reading especially Stephen King books and she also liked to recite poems. Now we will listen to one of the first poems she recited as a very young girl.

By Stephen

POEM

I'll gi thee a cuppa tea, if tha comes ont' reight day,
But don't come on Monday cos it's me weshin' day,
And I'll be weshin' n weshin' al't day,
But I'll gi thee a cuppa tea, if tha comes ont' reight day

I'll gi thee a cuppa tea, if tha comes ont' reight day,
But dun't come on Tuesday cos it's me ironin' day,
And I'll be ironin' n ironin' al't day,
But I'll gi thee a cuppa tea, if tha comes ont' reight day

I'll gi thee a cuppa tea, if tha comes ont' reight day,
But dun't come on Wednesday cos it's me shoppin' day,
And I'll be shoppin' n shoppin' al't day,
But I'll gi thee a cuppa tea, if tha comes ont' reight day

I'll gi thee a cuppa tea, if tha comes ont' reight day,
But dun't come on Thu'sday cos it's me bakin' day,
And I'll be bakin' n bakin' al't day,
But I'll gi thee a cuppa tea, if tha comes ont' reight day

I'll gi thee a cuppa tea, if tha comes ont' reight day,
But dun't come on Friday cos it's me cleanin' day,
And I'll be cleanin' n cleanin' al't day,
But I'll gi thee a cuppa tea, if tha comes ont' reight day

I'll gi thee a cuppa tea, if tha comes ont' reight day,
But dun't come on Sat'day cos it's me visitin' day,
And I'll be visitin' n visitin' al't day,
But I'll gi thee a cuppa tea, if tha comes ont' reight day

I'll gi thee a cuppa tea, if tha comes ont' reight day,
But dun't come on Sunday cos it's Chapel day,
And I'll be singin' n singin' me voice away,
But I'll gi thee a cuppa tea, if tha comes ont' reight day.

As recited by Yvonne as a young girl at a Gala in Huddersfield.

POEM (NOT INCLUDED IN THE SERVICE)

THE GREEN EYE OF THE LITTLE YELLOW GOD (J.MILTON.HAYES)

There's a one-eyed yellow idol to the north of Khatmandu,
There's a little marble cross below the town;
There's a broken-hearted woman tends the grave of Mad Carew,
And the Yellow God forever gazes down.

He was known as "Mad Carew" by the subs at Khatmandu,
He was hotter than they felt inclined to tell;
But for all his foolish pranks, he was worshipped in the ranks,
And the Colonel's daughter smiled on him as well.

He had loved her all along, with a passion of the strong,
The fact that she loved him was plain to all.
She was nearly twenty-one and arrangements had begun
To celebrate her birthday with a ball.

He wrote to ask what present she would like from Mad Carew;
They met next day as he dismissed a squad;
And jestingly she told him then that nothing else would do
But the green eye of the little Yellow God.

On the night before the dance, Mad Carew seemed in a trance,
And they chaffed him as they puffed at their cigars:
But for once he failed to smile, and he sat alone awhile,
Then went out into the night beneath the stars.

He returned before the dawn, with his shirt and tunic torn,
And a gash across his temple dripping red;
He was patched up right away, and he slept through all the day,
And the Colonel's daughter watched beside his bed.

He woke at last and asked if they could send his tunic through;
She brought it, and he thanked her with a nod;
He bade her search the pocket saying "That's from Mad Carew,"
And she found the little green eye of the god.

She upbraided poor Carew in the way that women do,
Though both her eyes were strangely hot and wet;
But she wouldn't take the stone and Mad Carew was left alone
With the jewel that he'd chanced his life to get.

When the ball was at its height, on that still and tropic night,
She thought of him and hurried to his room;
As she crossed the barrack square she could hear the dreamy air
Of a waltz tune softly stealing thro' the gloom.

His door was open wide, with silver moonlight shining through;
The place was wet and slipp'ry where she trod;
An ugly knife lay buried in the heart of Mad Carew,
'Twas the "Vengeance of the Little Yellow God."

There's a one-eyed yellow idol to the north of Khatmandu,
There's a little marble cross below the town;
There's a broken-hearted woman tends the grave of Mad Carew,
And the Yellow God forever gazes down.

MUSIC

Meatloaf - Bat Out of Hell

As requested by Yvonne herself. (She also requested "The Witch is Dead" but that one has been declined!)

EULOGY

Yvonne Beardon or Hewitt, Mum, Mumsie Wumsie, Amar and later
Grandma, Auntie Von. These are the names by which she was known. She only carried the Beardon name after she was divorced as that's the surname of her sons and grandsons. She always considered herself a Hewitt though, and when you look at her sons, our father and then Mum. We are mostly Hewitts too. Tough outer shell, outspoken, headstrong, emotional, dedicated, loving. This was Mum, but for balance, I'm adding difficult.

She started life in Huddersfield and moved to Doncaster when she was 8. Not on her own obviously, she wasn't that independent yet. Father George, Mother Bessie and Sister Linda were her immediate family. She was a naughty girl by all accounts. At 3 she escaped her Mothers care, through a window, down a hill on her bum and travelled a couple of miles to her Fathers work. Father wasn't pleased. He probably wasn't very pleased when she thumbed a lift to Skegness and then camped with the very boys she got a lift with. When she wasn't allowed to her sisters engagement party, she ate some of the icing from the engagement cake before it had even been cut. Some of this defiance may explain the slack I was cut as a teenager when I'd been naughty. But that's a story for my eulogy.

Growing up in the 80's was pretty cool, I reckon being a parent was too. Mum had getting supplies delivered nailed long before any other supermarket. She'd give me a note and a fiver and send me to the corner shop, 4 cans of Carlsberg Special Brew and 20 Embassy Filter. I was about 10 by the way. We did get cut off eventually, apparently this kind of behaviour was frowned upon. Locking your kids in on a Saturday night and telling them not to answer the door whilst you went to the pub was too. It didn't bother us, we got up to our own mischief.
 

At family get togethers and parties, Mum would always find a way to make it memorable. But lets be honest here, not always in a good way. But that was just Mum, if she wasn't stealing the show doing a Tina Turner tribute dressed in bin liners, she'd be rubbing some poor bugger up the wrong way for her own amusement. I think we have all inherited some version of this warped sense of humour Mum had. I'll sometimes crack a joke that's probably crossed some lines, but it amused me, and that's all that matters at the time, I'm pretty sure Mum had the same mindset here.

Mum had a few hobbies and interests, she always loved photography, rarely did she not have her camera when we were on holiday or on day trips. She's left us with hundreds upon hundreds of photos from our childhood. Trips to the seaside, Storrs Mill Wood with the motorbikes, holidays, gatherings. The list goes on and we can look back at many of these trips and holidays. She especially enjoyed going on holiday to Cornwall. One of her favourite places was Perranporth where she has been many times and this will be her final place of rest.

She enjoyed gardening, not your manicured kind of garden. I think she liked jungles. She enjoyed growing her own produce, which leads nicely to cooking. She did like to cook and host family at Christmas dinner parties. She'd loosely follow recipes adding her own twist, it didn't always work for me, but the majority was edible. I'm joking, she was a good cook, although she did have a rule when we were kids, "you're not leaving the table until your plate is empty". Even though, on one particular occasion I'd been served a sizeable portion of mushrooms. She knows I don't like mushrooms. There's that warped sense of humour again. However, when she made a minced beef pie which was my favourite, she cut it into 6 (there was 5 of us by the way) and gave me the 6th piece when my plate was empty. She either did this because she loved me and it was my favourite, or she did this because it really really pissed my Dad off. One particular dish however, head and shoulders above everything else and her most requested. Tuna Pizza. It'll sound weird to those that have never tried it, but was hands down the best thing that she made. The recipe again was Mums own version of something else. She enjoyed a bit of crafting, not sure she ever finished anything mind. She also enjoyed board games, especially Trivial Pursuit and her specialist subject was science and nature. She wasn't competitive at all, in fact, on the occasions when she was defeated, she was always magnanimous in defeat. She did not sulk at all ever. (nodding)

Mum was always keen to learn, she enrolled with the Open University and eventually completed an Oceanology degree that she never used. I remember the Japanese Fighting fish she had as part of this course. She was training it to swim through different coloured hoops. The Open University car treasure hunts were fun though. The most entertaining part however were the arguments Mum used to have with a guy called Dave Sheilds afterwards. Every time they were in the same room there were fireworks.
 

Most of her working life mum was a nurse. Prior to this however she worked in Radiology at Doncaster Royal Infirmary, she also worked on the River Don cruise boat which enabled us to get free cruises up the Don. Yep, that was thing back in the 80's. As a nurse she worked at Tickhill Road Hospital, The Northern General and Nayar Practise in Edlington. She occasionally described her nursing as dealing with the great unwashed. The nursing colleagues that I have spoken to speak quite highly of her, and I'd like to thank those that are here today for attending.
 

She loved her Grandchildren Sam and Jake very much and was very proud of the men they have become. Mum was an excellent source of downtime for us as she often took Sam and Jake away, not just for days out, but weekends, holidays. There were all kinds of stories upon their return, and the trips were all the more enjoyable because of how laid back Mum was. I think she probably at times still thought it was the 80's and Sam and Jake were enjoying being given a freedom they didn't get at home so much. But that's the beauty of being a Grandma, you can let them stay up late, feed them what they like when they like, generally doing the opposite of their normal routine. Grandma was cool.

Myself, Sean and Stephen had different relationships with Mum during adulthood. That's the natural course of things, but the constant has always been that we all love each other very much and will always be there for each other. As children, we enjoyed the same dedication, love, playfulness, wrath occasionally. We will always have different memories, but it's the ones we share that are special. Listening to music, days out, gatherings, even the forced child labour at Parrots Corner Nurseries. But the stand out memory for us all is watching movies with Mum, granted, they were usually movies where the lead actor was someone Mum had a crush on, mostly Paul Newman. There was one film we watched more than any other, her favourite, Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid. We simply can't get through any kind of get together without referencing the film or quoting a line from it, and that has been the case throughout all our adult lives.

So, Mum, from Myself, Sean and Stephen, your sister Linda and the
Roberston clan, Grandsons Sam and Jake, daughters in law Sharon and Elizabeth, we invite you to stick around.

By Mark

VIDEO TRIBUTE

In Homage to Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.

CLOSING MUSIC

Not Goin' Home Anymore by Burt Bacharach

"I'm not crazy, I'm just colourful"